


Feelings

by The_Hawk_Eye



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hawk_Eye/pseuds/The_Hawk_Eye
Summary: And that’s when he understands what love is. He is not talking about feelings in general; he is not trying to avoid the word. For the first time he understand what Michael means when he talks about love and caring. Gob doesn’t like the feeling; it’s too painful. It’s disgusting the way it clings to his chest and doesn’t let him breathe. It’s like drowning... so disgusting...





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished Arrested Development and after everything that happened between Gob and Tony and I had the need to write about those two idiots in love. It was a story I didn't expect; it was kind of cute.
> 
> English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes be nice, please!

Gob gave away his forget-me-now so he had to live with the memory of the night with Tony Wonder. For hours he asked himself if it was worth it; if he did the right the thing when he gave the pill to his brother. Michael would have been able to no talk about that but the shame... For the first time in his life the thought of somebody knowing his shame was too much for him so he made him swallow the pill. And now he has to remember.

To remember the night with Tony wasn’t as bad as it should. The memory of his lips touching his skin was kind of comforting... which was weird in a way he couldn’t fully understand.

So the day Tony calls him to have sex Gob finds himself in a difficult situation. He knows what Tony wants. He knows Tony is not being honest with him. He knows Tony is not gay... Gob knows a lot of things now and he could use them against Tony but... But Gob knows if he does that he will lose the chance to be with Tony again. And he asks himself if his revenge is so important.

It is not.

That’s why he meets Tony and spends the day with him. The two of them have a great time together and have sex in the night. No masks this time just the two of them. And it’s kind of nice that second time. The two of them know they are having gay sex. There is no Ann lying to them. Gob likes that.

And in the morning he doesn’t look for any pills. He doesn’t want to forget. For the first time he doesn’t want to forget a shameful night although he’s not sure if what he’s done with Tony could be labelled as shameful. It’s something he wanted and doesn’t feel wrong or force... It’s something new he can’t fully understand but he likes it. He enjoys that feeling. Gob can be honest about that feeling with Tony although he knows Tony won’t be able to remember that because he will take a forget-me-now after that night. Tony is straight and he is doing that for revenge so to have sex with Gob mustn’t feel right for him. So he will forget.

And that’s what Tony does so Gob receives another call from Tony asking him for another day together. And Gob takes advantage of that again and again and again and again... till he’s afraid Tony is in a roofie circle.

So one day Gob says no to Tony.

It’s the right thing to do.

Gob has never done something like that before. He never cared for anyone enough to think about what was best for the other person but Tony is different. And he... has... strange feelings for him and... Gob knows about what a roofie circle can do to a person so this has to stop.

He says no to Tony who doesn’t understand why and Gob is incapable of making an explanation good enough without exposing himself. So he mumbles, says nothing coherent and hangs up in a hurry.

“I made a huge mistake” he whispers to himself. He should have never met Tony after that night. To have a conscience is hard. Is this what Michael feels everyday while he’s doing those stupid decisions? Michael must be an idiot; a very delusional idiot if he believes Gob could be like him because Gob hates the feeling he’s having right now. He looks at the forget-me-now and realizes there is nothing he can do to erase that empty feeling in his chest.

He spends the rest of the day in the couch watching something on the TV and asking why he has to do such decisions in his shitty life. And Gob tries to figure it out how to get over this mistake. He needs to focus on something. The wall is a good option everybody seems to be obsessed with the wall. He could talk with Lindsay or his mother to see how they can solve the problem with the Chinese people.

Suddenly someone is knocking on his door which is really odd. Nobody in his family knocks the just go inside like the house belong to them and he’s not expecting anyone so he opens the door not very sure about who is going to be there. It’s a surprise to see Tony Wonder. He shouldn’t be there.

“What do you want?” Gob asks trying to be nice which is difficult when it hurts this much to be in front of him. He doesn’t want to be with Tony, no when he knows he will take a forget-me-now in order to forget what they did during the night, no when he knows those pills can cause a huge healthy problem. He can’t...

And that’s when he understands what love is. He is not talking about feelings in general; he is not trying to avoid the word. For the first time he understand what Michael means when he talks about love and caring. Gob doesn’t like the feeling; it’s too painful. It’s disgusting the way it clings to his chest and doesn’t let him breathe. It’s like drowning... so disgusting...

“Did I do something wrong?” Tony replies and his voice sounds nervous. And of course he’s nervous. He doesn’t remember all the nights with Gob, he’s just there for revenge and if Gob doesn’t spend time with him he will lose his chance.

Gob wants to say something funny and cruel but when he opens his mouth no sound comes out; just a silly and nervous laugh very similar to a little animal being tortured. Gob goes inside the house trying to say something but nothing logical pass through his lips. Tony is after him waiting for an answer but Gob can’t...

He could lie. Gob can lie about what is happening like he’s losing his interest or some shit like that, he has done that before with lots of girls. He could lie but he doesn’t want to. And he can’t say the truth either. So he just keeps mumbling incoherent words while walking around the room with no destination. Tony is after him asking him something but Gob is not able to hear what he’s saying. He keeps walking till one of his legs stumble against something and falls to the ground on his knees.

It’s so humiliating to be like that in front of the person he loves; a person who just want revenge from him. He can’t breathe. Tony’s hands are over his cheeks and he’s saying something stupid but he looks worried like for real. The world stops for some moments for Gob. It’s not the first time something like that happens to him. Through the years Gob has had moments like that one where everything stops and he just stare at his reality with no power to do something else but stare with a black expression in his face. What is happening?

Gob wants to cry but his body is not responding to anything.

This is the end.

He has been having sex with a man who hates him.

He wishes to be with a man who needs to forget every night they spend together.

He desires a man who is repulse by his body.

He is in love with a man who doesn’t cares about him.

Gob realizes this is the story of his life. Everything makes sense now. Gob has been trying to impress Tony for the last weeks like he’s been trying for years with his family; with the exact same results... Gob can’t run away from his family but maybe he can escape from Tony; maybe it’s no to late to be free from Tony Wonder and his necessity to impress him.

“I don’t want this” Gob whispers. “I... I... I... don’t... I don’t want...this...”He doesn’t want this; whatever this is. And suddenly Gob knows is time to be honest. Who cares about the revenge? “I know you’re straight.”

Tony stops talking the moment he hear those words.

“I know everything” Maybe he can come clean with Tony in a way he doesn’t have to suffer too much. He knows everything but Tony doesn’t need to know everything. Gob can talk only about his quest to get revenge over him. Gob can talk about his plan but there is no need to tell Tony that they’ve been sleeping together some nights. “I know you’re straight.” He starts with the simplest part. “I know your plan.” It’s a good start; a vague one. Tony only can guess the amount of information he has for real. “You are only here because you’re seeking revenge.”

Tony remains in silence. Gob tries to guess what is thinking but his expression is impossible to read. Tony doesn’t move any muscle, he just stay there in front of Gob.

“I thought we were friends.” Gob adds because it’s something he has been dying to say since the moment he knew Tony’s plan. It feels good. It’s the only thing it feels good in that moment.

“Since when did you know that?” It’s the first thing Tony says.

“Does it matter?” Gob replies because Does it really matters? Gob thought they were real friends and his feelings were...are real and does it really matter? He lost a friend he never had. Gob has been sleeping with a man who doesn’t care about him.

“I thought we were friends too” Tony says because he knew about Gob’s plan too. “I know about your plan too.”

That is a surprise to Gob who wasn’t expecting something like that. So the two of them knew about the other’s plan. Everything is a mistake and Gob just want to be alone.

“I changed my mind about the plan.” Gob is going to be honest. “I had a really good time with you and what I said about feelings... was true.” He’s making a fool of himself but who cares? He needs to end this and he has neither the strength nor the intelligence to do it in a way where his dignity is safe.

Tony smiles which makes Gob feels worse about the situation. Tony is going to laugh at him like everybody else has done in his life. He made a huge mistake the moment he said yes to meet him after that night. He made a huge mistake the moment he gave the pill to Michael. He made a huge mistake when he didn’t stop the night they had sex for the first time. Gob has been making lots of huge mistakes since the moment he realized he wasn’t touching Ann and he keeps going anyway.

“I changed my mind too!” Tony sighs in relieve and he sounds terribly honest. So honest that Gob has doubts.

“You feel ashamed after being with me.” Gob regrets those words the exact instant they came out from his mouth.

“No, I don’t.”

They look at each other eyes and both of them have a realization. None of them has been taking any forget-me-now but both of them have been acting like they did. Tony and Gob has been doing exactly the same. They have been lying and acting in front of the other just to be together one more night at least.

“I didn’t take any pill Gob.”

And they know they are bad people. They are not good but who cares? They have been taking advantage of the other. They have been playing the same game for weeks for the same stupid reason. They are bad people but Gob doesn’t care about that and nor does Tony. The feelings are real and not a single night has gone to waste between them.

Both man laugh in relieve at the same time and their hands look for each other face. They can’t stop laughing for some reason. Is this how love feels? Is this what Michael talks about? Because Gob likes this a lot. Gob’s lips find Tony’s mouth and they kiss. They don’t want to stop the kisses; they feel so real and liberating. There is neither shame nor fear.

This is real.

They have sex that night and for the first time none of them disappear the morning after. And Gob is happy which is an odd feeling but he guesses he can get used to that. Tony seems as surprise as him and just as happy as well.

Gob feels content with his life for the first time in a long, long time and he likes it.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it! I hope you liked the fic. And before I let you alone I'd like to remember than kudos and comments are welcome :)


End file.
